Earned Relevance

Does Your Relationship Need A Social Media Policy?

Ever had this conversation with your mate about Facebook, Linkedin, et al?:

You: “What made you friend Joe/Jane?”

Them: “Oh, they’re just an old high school chum.”

You: “Didn’t you guys used to date?”
 
Them: “Uhm, yeah, but that was when we were kids.”

The great aspect about social media tools like Twitter, Facebook, Linkedin, and others is that they connect us with new opportunities and new people, which when taken for the basic promise that they present, is a good notion.  These tools also can connect us with our past. Former colleagues, classmates, teammates, and of course, boyfriends and girlfriends.

The core premise of social media is about engaging people in real, honest and transparent ways.  Those of us who use social media tools in our professional lives can attest to the time commitment and effort it takes -an effort we gladly make -to engage and develop our online communities.  I appreciate living in the generation that has unlimited access to people and information from around the world.  My fascination with the call of the connected world does not automatically mean that the people with whom I do business or the people in my personal circle have the same level of appreciation.

People around you who are not part of the social media scene don’t deserve to be impacted by the shenanigans that often occur through social media.  Of course, your intentions are normally good (we hope) when you decide to “friend” someone or add them to your network. But you are not always certain of the reasons why other people are active in those same networks where you participate.  If the newly minted friend has alterior motives, they’ll most assuredly attempt to pull you into their deviant web.

You’ve seen the tactics before; sending excessive IM’s , stealth email messages on Facebook, or DM’s on Twitter, often about something off-topic from the ongoing conversation of the masses.  Your relationships can take a detrimental blow if you allow the kind of negative relationship infiltration that social media allows. 

Our ever-expanding social media networks are fixtures of our worlds today, and because of that permanence they must be included in the decisions we make for ourselves and our relationships.  When we were dating, my wife and I openly discussed how we were going to communicate with one another in the relationship. We agreed not to curse at each other. Not to yell in anger. Not to hit. And the list went on.  Having articulated those boundaries early has proved to be a key factor in our relationship now eight years into the marriage.

My wife is a blogger with her own following, and I often comment on her blog under a pseudo-name so her followers won’t feel like hubby is lurking.  In the early days of her blog, I’d notice guys leaving messages for her like “you’re very beautiful” or “sure hope your husband knows what he has.”  Since we both are vested in our networks, she and I decided to firmly communicate about how we would interact with our respective “friends.”  Was there ever a reason to connect with an old “hook-up”? Do you ever meet your “friends” in person? Will you be honest and not hide things behind your “in-box”? These were the kind of real questions we put on the table.

I asked a few of you for ideas on how you would shape your social media policy for your relationships, and here’s a look at some of the things added to what we’ll call the Social Media Compact. (Thanks TheJadedNyer and 12Kyle)

Please feel free to add more ideas from your experiences.

Romantic:
1. don’t replace face time with me by being online… it can feel like “cheating”
2. keep contact with the opposite sex “kosher”
3. share your online world/friends with me. I want to know who’s there
4. don’t post personal business unless I say it’s okay, esp photos of me or the kiddies
5. participate in my social communities
6. let your social communities know about me, don’t hide me. That can seem shady
7. keep me in the loop, it’s important

Business:
1. don’t post anything that could get you fired, we’re in this job thing together
2. don’t let the different social media sites keep you from doing your actual job
3. NEVER friend your boss or co-workers on these sites unless all you’re posting is business related notes, etc
4. don’t talk about your clients within your social networks, just don’t
5. don’t post business photos on your social sites unless cleared by the client or your job